I recently gave a YouTube Live talk on AI for business leaders. Overall, I felt it went reasonably well. Though, like many speakers, it’s often hard to gauge how it actually landed in the moment.
Our technical team did an excellent job, but I was curious about my own delivery. So I asked for feedback.
Most people said generally positive things. We also discussed pacing; I tend to speak quickly (apparently listening to podcasts at 1.5x speed has rewired my sense of “normal”). The feedback helped me notice that my speed improved as the talk progressed.
Then came the constructive comments. One person gave me about five clear things we could improve for next time, with zero positives mentioned. I wasn’t offended; the input was genuinely helpful and not surprising. Critical feedback is common in these situations.
The next day, however, another person reached out and specifically called out a few things I had done well. That’s when something clicked.
Even though I speak regularly and have worked hard on my skills over the years, there’s still a vulnerable side to putting yourself out there. The purely constructive feedback left me feeling strangely unmoored, like I’d lost my anchor. Without a clear reminder of what I was already doing right, it became harder to confidently tackle the areas that needed work. Everything started to feel like a weakness.
This experience shifted my perspective on feedback.
For years, I believed the “sandwich method” (positive → negative → positive) was mainly about protecting people’s feelings. Now I see it’s much more powerful than that. Specific positive feedback provides the infrastructure for growth. It gives us a stable foundation, a clear sense of our strengths, so we can build on them and address gaps more effectively.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone. Some people claim they don’t need (or want) any validation. At my stage of life, I’m comfortable admitting that I do. I doubt myself more than I’d like, and I benefit from being reminded of what’s true, specifically the areas where I excel.
Good feedback first helps me stay grounded in my strengths. Then I’m much more ready and able to take in my areas of growth.
I’m still unpacking this realization, but I wanted to share it because I suspect many of us experience something similar, especially those who speak, lead, create, or put ideas into the world.
Specific positive feedback isn’t just nice. It’s essential scaffolding for real growth.
What’s your experience with giving or receiving feedback? Do you prefer the “strengths first” approach, or do you find direct constructive input more useful?
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